layang-layang putus benang

layang-layang dari kertas hitam

putus benang

menumpang tujuan pada angin

menukik pelan

dan tersangkut pada ranting pohon rindang

beberapa ranting pohon kecil tajam menghujam tubuhnya

mengoyakkannya

dan menahannya dari jatuh ke tanah

dalam diamnya dia berharap

seorang bocah kecil menemukannya

menutup koyaknya

dan menerbangkannya kembali

tinggi

Tujuh Nilai Pokok

Tujuh Nilai Pokok

Pertama : Iman

Dosa ada sebelum nilai-nilai. Seperti yang dikatakan seorang bijak, dia yang belum berdosa tidak memiliki kualitas pada nilai yang dianutnya, karena dia belum mengatasi godaan apa pun. Kebanyakan orang suci dalam agama apa pun menjalani hidup yang sulit dan menyedihkan sebelum mendedikasikan diri mereka pada pencarian spiritual.

Mengikuti logika ‘Jalan Cahaya’, kita akan mengisi kolom-kolom berikut dengan tujuh nilai pokok, diawali dengan ‘Iman’. Nilai-nilai ini diambil dari kumpulan tiga nilai teologis, ditambah empat lagi yang didasari ajaran Plato yang diadaptasi oleh Santo Agustinus serta Santo Thomas Aquinas (ada banyak perbedaan antara empat nilai tambahan, jadi saya memilih daftar yang lebih konvensional).

Menurut kamus : dari kata Latin, fide : percaya; kepercayaan agama; kepercayaan yang kuat berkaitan dengan seseorang atau sesuatu; keteguhan menjalankan komitmen; kehormatan; intensi; nilai teologis.

Menurut Yesus Kristus : Para rasul berkata pada Tuhan, “Tuhan, kuatkanlah iman kami.” Tuhan menjawab, “Kalau kalian mempunyai iman sebesar biji sawi, kalian dapat berkata pada pohon murbei ini. ‘Tercabutlah engkau dan tertanamlah di laut.’ pasti pohon ini akan menuruti perintahmu.” (Lukas, 17:5-6)

Menurut agama Buddha : “Kita adalah apa yang kita pikirkan. Melalui pikiran kita membangun dan menghancurkan dunia”. “Kita adalah apa yang kita pikirkan. Imajinasimu bisa melakukan lebih banyak kerusakan daripada musuh terbesarmu”. “Tapi begitu kau bisa menguasi pikiranmu, tidak ada yang bisa menolongmu lagi, bahkan ayah atau ibumu.” (Kutipan dari Dhammapada, kumpulan ajaran utama Buddha)

Dalam Islam : “Bagaimana kita memurnikan dunia?” tanya seorang murid. Ibn al-Husayn menjawab : “Pernah ada sheik di Damaskus bernama Abu Musa al-Qumasi. Semua orang menghormatinya karena kebijaksanaannya, tapi tidak ada yang tahu apakah dia orang yang baik. Pada suatu siang, terjadi kesalahan dalam pembangunan yang mengakibatkan rumah tempat sheik itu dan istrinya tinggal roboh. Dalam keputusasaan, para tetangga mulai menggali reruntuhannya. Setelah beberapa saat, mereka berhasil menemukan sang istri. Wanita itu berkata “Tinggalkan aku. Selamatkan suamiku terlebih dulu, dia tadi duduk kira-kira disana.” Para tetangga menyingkirkan reruntuhan dari tempat yang ditunjukkan wanita itu dan mendapati sang sheik, yang berkata “Tinggalkan aku. Selamatkan istriku terlebih dulu, dia tadi tergeletak kira-kira disana.” Saat ada yang bertindak seperti pasangan ini, mereka memurnikan seluruh dunia melalui iman mereka pada hidup dan cinta.

Iman mengingkari kenyataan : “Satu tahun yang lalu, aku berpidato dalam pesawat terbang mengatakan kami telah sukses mencapai tujuan penting, menyelesaikan misi, yaitu menyingkirkan Saddam Hussein dari tampuk kekuasaan. Sebagai hasilnya, tidak akan ada ruang penyiksaan lagi, tidak akan ada kuburan massal lagi.” (George W. Bush, 30 April 2004. Di bulan yang sama dunia melihat foto-foto penyiksaan dalam penjaran Abu Graib, dan eksekusi kolektif dalam perang sipil antara Shiite dan Sunite terus berlanjut ketika aku menulis kolom ini.)

Menurut Rabbi Nachman dari Bratzlava : Seorang murid mencari sang rabbi dan berkata :”Aku tidak bisa bicara pada Tuhan.” “Itu sering terjadi,” jawab Nachman. “Kita merasa mulut kita terkunci, atau kata-kata tidak bisa keluar. Tapi, sekadar fakta bahwa kau sudah berusaha mengatasi situasi ini sendiri sudah merupakan sikap yang baik.” “Tapi itu tidak cukup.” “Benar. Di saat-saat seperti itu, apa yang harus kau lakukan adalah melihat ke langit dan berkata : ‘Tuhan Yang Mahakuasa, aku begitu jauh dari-Mu sehingga tidak bisa mempercayai suaraku sendiri.’ Karena sebenarnya Tuhan selalu mendengar dan menjawab. Kitalah yang tidak bisa bicara, karena takut Dia tidak akan memperhatikan kita.”

Kedua : Harapan

Menurut Kamus: kecenderungan semangat untuk mengganggap sesuatu itu mungkin; nilai teologis kedua; pengharapan; perkiraan; kemungkinan.

Menurut kata-kata Yesus: Lihatlah burung di udara. Mereka tidak menanam, tidak menuai, dan juga tidak mengumpulkan hasil tanamannya di dalam lumbung. Meskipun begitu, Bapamu yang di surga memelihara mereka! Bukankah kalian jauh lebih berharga daripada burung? Siapakah dari kalian yang dengan kekhawatirannya dapat memperpanjang umurnya biarpun sedikit? Mengapa kalian mengkhawatirkan pakaian kalian? Perhatikanlah bunga-bunga bakung yang tumbuh di padang. Bunga-bunga itu tidak bekerja dan tidak menenun; tetapi Raja Salomo yang begitu kaya pun tidak memakai pakaian yang sebagus bunga-bunga itu! Rumput di padang tumbuh hari ini dan besok dibakar habis. Namun Allah mendandani rumput itu begitu bagus. Apalagi kalian? Tetapi kalian kurang percaya! (Matius, 6:26-30)

Bagi orang Yunani Kuno: Dalam salah satu mitos klasik tentang penciptaan, salah satu dewa marah karena Prometheus mencuri api dan dengan begitu memberi manusia kemerdekaan, mengirim Pandora untuk menikah dengan saudaranya Epimetheus. Pandora membawa kotak, yang tidak boleh dibukanya. Tapi, sama seperti Hawa dalam cerita Kristen, keingintahuan Pandora menguasainya; dia membuka tutup kotak untuk melihat apa isinya, dan saat itu semua kesulitan dunia keluar dan menyebar di muka bumi. Hanya satu hal yang tertinggal di dalam kotak : Harapan, satu-satunya senjata untuk melawan kemalangan yang terserak di seluruh dunia.

Empat harapan terbesar manusia: 1) kedatangan Sang Mesias (dalam agama Kristen, kembalinya Kristus; dalam agama Islam dan Yahudi, datangnya Sang Penyelamat); 2) ditemukannya obat kanker; 3) ditemukannya hidup di luar Planet Bumi; dan 4) kedamaian dunia. (Sumber : riset pada artike utama surat kabar tentang apa yang paling diharapkan, 1996)

Kisah nyata: Pada usia lima tahun, Glenn Cunningham (1909 – 1988) menderita luka bakar serius pada kedua kakinya, dan para dokter menyatakan dia tidak bisa sembuh. Mereka semua merasa bahwa anak itu harus menghabiskan seluruh hidupnya di kursi roda.

Glen Cunningham sama sekali tidak memperdulikan para dokter dan bangkit dari tempat tidur di minggu berikutnya. ”Para dokter melihat kakiku tapi mereka tidak melihat hatiku. Sekarang aku akan lari lebih cepat dari siapa pun.“

Tahun 1934 dia memecahkan rekor dunia 1.500 meter dengan waktu 4 menit 6 detik. Dia dinyatakan sebagai Atlet Abad ini dalam upacara penghargaan di Madison Square Garden.

Dalam kisa Hassidic (tradisi Yahudi): Di akhir empat puluh hari banjir, Nuh keluar dari perahunya. Dia muncul dengan penuh harap, menyalakan dupa, memandang ke sekelilingnya, tapi hanya melihat kehancuran dan kematian. Nuh berteriak “Tuhan Yang Mahakuasa, kalau Kau bisa mengetahui masa depan, mengapa Kau menciptakan manusia? Hanya supaya Kau bisa menghukumnya?”

Tiga aroma wangi naik ke surga: wangi dupa, wangi air mata Nuh, dan aroma tindakannya. Lalu datanglah jawaban : “Doa orang yang benar selalu didengar. Biar Kuberitahu mengapa Aku melakukan ini: supaya kau mengerti arti pekerjaanmu. Kau dan keturunanmu akan menggunakan harapan dan kemauan untuk selalu membangun kembali dunia dari ketiadaan. Dengan begitu kita berbagi pekerjaan dan konsekuensi: sekarang kita berdua bertanggung jawab.”

Empat harapan terbesar individu: 1) Bertemu orang yang dikasihi; 2) bebas dari masalah finansial; 3) bebas dari penyakit; 4) hidup abadi. (Sumber : Irving Wallace, The Book of Lists, 1977)

Berharap dikenang: Khalifah besar Alrum Al-Rachid memutuskan membangun istana yang akan menandai keagungan pemerintahannya. Di sebelah tanah terpilih berdiri sebuah gubuk. Al-Rachid menyuruh menterinya meyakinkan pemilik gubuk itu – seorang tukan tenun tua – untuk menjualnya supaya bisa dihancurkan. Si menteri mencoba tanpa hasil. Sekembalinya ke istana, ia mengusulkan untuk mengusir saja orang tua itu dari tempat tersebut.

“Tidak!“, jawab Al-Rachid. “Tindakan orang itu akan menjadi bagian legenda diriku bagi orang-orang. Ketika mereka melihat istana itu, mereka akan berkata : dia bijak karena menghormati keinginan orang lain.“

Ketiga : Kasih

Menurut Kamus : dari bahasa Latin, amor: perasaan kasih yang kuat yang mendorong kita mendekati objek yang kita inginkan; kecenderungan jiwa dan hati; rasa kasih; rasa cinta; kecenderungan eksklusif; rahmat teologis.

Dalam Perjanjian Baru : Maka tinggallah yang tiga ini: iman, pengharapan, dan kasih; dan yang paling besar dari ketiga-tiganya itu adalah kasih. (1 Korintus 13:13).

Menurut etimologi : Orang Yunani punya tiga kata untuk menggambarkan kasih : Eros, Philos, dan Agape. Eros adalah cinta yang sehat antara dua yang membuat hidup berharga dan melanjutkan kelangsungan hidup manusia. Philos adalah perasaan kita bagi teman-teman kita. Akhirnya, Agape, yang mencakup Eros dan Philos, memiliki arti jauh lebih dari sekadar “menyukai” seseorang. Agape adalah kasih yang total, cinta yang menghabiskan mereka yang merasakannya. Bagi orang Katolik, inilah cinta yang dirasakan Yesus bagi umat manusia, dan kasih itu begitu besar sehingga mengguncang bintang-bintang dan mengubah arah sejarah manusia. Mereka yang mengetahui dan merasakan Agape menyadari bahwa tidak ada apa pun di dunia ini yang lebih penting daripada cinta.

Untuk Oscar Wilde :

Tapi setiap manusia membunuh benda yang dicintainya

Biarlah ini didengar oleh masing-masing,

Ada yang melakukannya dengan wajah sedih

Ada yang dengan kata-kata menyanjung,

Si pengecut melakukannya dengan ciuman,

Si pemberani dengan pedang!

(Ballad of Reading Jail, 1898)

Dalam upacara abad ke-19 : Tuangkan cintamu dengan melimpah pada orang miskin, yang mudah dilakukan; pada orang kaya, yang tidak mempercayai siapa pun dan tidak bisa melihat cinta yang begitu mereka butuhkan. Dan pada tetanggamu - yang sangat sulit dilakukan, karena padanyalah kita biasa bersikap sangat egois. Kasih. Jangan pernah kehilangan kesempatan untuk memberikan kegembiraan pada tetanggmu, karena kau akan menjadi yang pertama yang mendapat keuntungan dari ini - bahkan kalaupun tidak ada yang tahu apa yang kaulakukan. Dunia di sekelilingmu akan menjadi lebih gembira, dan semuanya menjadi lebih mudah bagimu.

Aku berada dalam dunia saat ini. Hal baik apa pun yang bisa kulakukan, atau kegembiraan yang bisa kuberikan pada orang lain, beritahukan padaku. Jangan biarkan aku mengabaikan atau melupakan, karena aku tidak akan pernah hidup dalam saat ini lagi. (Henry Drummond The Supreme Gift, [1851-1897])

Dalam email yang diterima pengarang : Waktu aku menyimpan hatiku untuk diriku sendiri, aku tidak pernah mengalami satu pagi pun yang penuh derita atau satu malam pun dengan insomnia. Sejak jatuh cinta, hidupku merupakan rangkaian penderitaan, kehilangan, kebingungan. Kurasa Tuhan, dengan menggunakan cinta, berhasil menymbunyikan neraka di tengah-tengah Surga.” (C.A.,23/11/2006)

Untuk ilmu pengetahuan : Di tahun 2000, peneliti Andreas Bartels dan Semir Zeki, dari University College di London, menemukan daerah-daerah di otak yang dirangsang oleh cinta romantis dengan menggunakan rangkaian percobaan pada mahasiswa yang mengaku sedang jatuh cinta. Pertama-tama, mereka menyimpulkan bahwa daerah-daerah yang dipengaruhi perasaan itu ternyata jauh lebih kecil daripada yang mereka bayangkan, dan merupakan daerah yang sama dengan yang dirangsang oleh stimulus euforia, misalnya saat menggunakan kokain. Ini membuat para peneliti menyimpulkan bahwa cinta sama dengan manifestasi ketergantungan fisik pada obat bius.

Dengan menggunakan cara yang sama untuk memindai otak, ilmuwan Helen Fisher, dari Rutgers University, menyimpulkan bahwa tiga karakteristik cinta (seks, perasaan romantis, dan saling ketergantungan) merangsang daerah-daerah berbeda pada korteks, dan selanjutnya menyimpulkan kita bisa jatuh cinta dengan satu orang, ingin bercinta dengan orang lain, dan hidup bersama dengan orang lain lagi.

Untuk seorang penyair : Cinta tidak memiliki apa-apa dan tidak ingin dimiliki, karena cinta sudah mencukupi dirinya sendiri. Cinta akan membuatmu berkembang, kemudian mencampakkanmu ke tanah. Cinta akan mencambukmu supaya kau merasakan ketidakberdayaanmu, cinta akan mengguncangmu untuk menghilangkan segala ketidaksucianmu. Cinta akan menghancurkanmu supaya kau menjadi fleksibel.

Kemudian cinta akan melemparkanmu ke dalam api, supaya kau bisa menjadi roti yang terberkati untuk disajikan pada pesta suci Tuhan. (The Prophet, oleh Khalil Gibran [1883-1931[)

Why TCP Over TCP Is A Bad Idea

taken from http://sites.inka.de/~W1011/devel/tcp-tcp.html

A frequently occurring idea for IP tunneling applications is to run a protocol like PPP, which encapsulates IP packets in a format suited for a stream transport (like a modem line), over a TCP-based connection. This would be an easy solution for encrypting tunnels by running PPP over SSH, for which several recommendations already exist (one in the Linux HOWTO base, one on my own website, and surely several others). It would also be an easy way to compress arbitrary IP traffic, while datagram based compression has hard to overcome efficiency limits.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work well. Long delays and frequent connection aborts are to be expected. Here is why.

TCP’s retransmission algorithm

TCP divides the data stream into segments which are sent as individual IP datagrams. The segments carry a sequence number which numbers the bytes in the stream, and an acknowledge number which tells the other side the last received sequence number. [RFC793]

Since IP datagrams may be lost, duplicated or reordered, the sequence numbers are used to reassemble the stream. The acknowledge number tells the sender, indirectly, if a segment was lost: when an acknowledge for a recently sent segment does not arrive in a certain amount of time, the sender assumes a lost packet and re-sends that segment.

Many other protocols using a similar approach, designed mostly for use over lines with relatively fixed bandwidth, have the “certain amount of time” fixed or configurable. In the Internet however, parameters like bandwidth, delay and loss rate are vastly different from one connection to another and even changing over time on a single connection. A fixed timeout in the seconds range would be inappropriate on a fast LAN and likewise inappropriate on a congested international link. In fact, it would increase the congestion and lead to an effect known as “meltdown”.

For this reason, TCP uses adaptive timeouts for all timing-related parameters. They start at conservative estimates and change dynamically with every received segment. The actual algorithms used are described in [RFC2001]. The details are not important here but one critical property: when a segment timeouts, the following timeout is increased (exponentially, in fact, because that has been shown to avoid the meltdown effect).

Stacking TCPs

The TCP timeout policy works fine in the Internet over a vast range of different connection characteristics. Because TCP tries very hard not to break connections, the timeout can increase up to the range of several minutes. This is just what is sensible for unattended bulk data transfer. (For interactive applications, such slow connections are of course undesirable and likely the user will terminate them.)

This optimization for reliability breaks when stacking one TCP connection on top of another, which was never anticipated by the TCP designers. But it happens when running PPP over SSH or another TCP-based protocol, because the PPP-encapsulated IP datagrams likely carry TCP-based payload, like this:

Note that the upper and the lower layer TCP have different timers. When an upper layer connection starts fast, its timers are fast too. Now it can happen that the lower connection has slower timers, perhaps as a leftover from a period with a slow or unreliable base connection.

Imagine what happens when, in this situation, the base connection starts losing packets. The lower layer TCP queues up a retransmission and increases its timeouts. Since the connection is blocked for this amount of time, the upper layer (i.e. payload) TCP won’t get a timely ACK, and will also queue a retransmission. Because the timeout is still less than the lower layer timeout, the upper layer will queue up more retransmissions faster than the lower layer can process them. This makes the upper layer connection stall very quickly and every retransmission just adds to the problem - an internal meltdown effect.

TCPs reliability provisions backfire here. The upper layer retransmissions are completely unnecessary, since the carrier guarantees delivery - but the upper layer TCP can’t know this, because TCP always assumes an unreliable carrier.

Practical experience

The whole problem was the original incentive to start the CIPE project, because I used a PPP over SSH solution for some time and it proved to be fairly unusable. At that time it had to run over an optical link which suffered frequent packet loss, sometimes 10-20% over an extended period of time. With plain TCP, this was just bearable (because the link was not congested), but with the stacked protocols, connections would get really slow and then break very frequently.

This is the detailed reason why CIPE uses a datagram carrier. (The choice for UDP, instead of another IP-level protocol like IPsec does, is for several reasons: this allows to distinguish tunnels by their port number, and it adds the ability to run over SOCKS.) The datagram carrier has exactly the same characteristics as plain IP, for which TCP was designed to run over.

fc*k….

Membutuhkan 2 jam lebih perjalanan dari kantor sebuah client di daerah Ancol menuju kembali ke kantor di Sudirman di Jumat sore….

Orang2 Jakarta emang gila….

You’ve got to find what you love

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

*taken from http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505

d*mn nameserver!

For such a unix user, ssh is a commonly used application which provide some kind of remote access to some servers. I’ve used it since my first experienced using unix based OS computer. And from day on, I’ve never faced any serious problems while using it.

But late at yesterday’s nite, this stuff was starting disturbing me. I’ve just reconfigured one of my experimental server, an old hp-compaq proliant ML370 series running Debian operating system. Evertyhing runs normally before. It was in a NAT networks, but later I would like to move it directly in to my campus networks using public IP. And the problem arises right after I change its IP parameters and restart the machine. It’s no longer accessible by remote access. The machine is alive, ping results do well.

But wait a minute, there’re some more anomalies I found. I suddenly can log in to the machine using the same ssh method! *what the…* For not wasting time, I reconfigure sshd server configuration file, check all networks configuration files too. But suddenly my connection was stopped. *now what…* I try to reconnect; insert the username, and the server responses by gives challenge for related password. I wrote down the password, but the machine rejected it, said “wrong password..” *hello…???* I retried three times, but no positive result I got.

Then, I walk to the server room, log in to it directly. I recheck all network configuration once more, to make sure that there’s no such thing I’ve missed. But everything seems okay. I do ssh connection to another server from this machine, passed. And do ssh again from that machine back to the one that arising problems, it also passed. Hmmm…, how weird. I look at the clock, it’s already 23.40. D*mn!

And the next 2 hours were filled with google-related activity. It feels like I was in my daily works in the office, do some kind of Proof of Concept, PoC. And the sub theme is Root Cause Analysis. But different from the ordinary, this session was held in sleepy mode. *well, how can I show my sleepy mode face in front of my manager in daily works?*

In my point of view, the main problem is (by analyse syslog) that the machine periodically changes it DSA key. It’s weird since one machine with one IP address (and related mac address) would only generate one DSA key. This key would be accept by the opponent (in this case ssh client) and saved. It is describe more clearly while using debug option in ssh connection. My early asumption is that it related to some ssh configuration or firewall issue.

After randomly followed some instructions and methods from some webs, finally I decided to temporarily finished my works. Enough for tonight, I thought. Let’s bring them all to my dreams, and hope by tomorrow morning when I wake up, I’ve got some enlightment… *silly thought*

In fact, even wake up late in the morning didn’t make any enlightment nor improvement. With my typical lazy move, I woke up, check my e-mail first, and during that, I try to arrange my time. Beside of this, I have to do another software test related to my company job works. Take a bath for a while and after that, I start to continue my pending works yesterday.

Another two hours was spent, until I realized one thing (that would be the ultimate hint). I did nslookup , and get shocked after read the result. My server IP’s has two different host name listed in the DNS server. Well, no wonder it could happened. One IP is registered to two different name and different machine. That’s the only reason why the DSA key periodically changes. In one time, the first machine is taking action. But in the other time,the other machine is. By this, I also state that it is the main reason why in the syslog, it sounds something related to ip_spoofing. Yeah… what else?

I could not remember how this silly thing can occur. I mean, there’re two host name listed in the nameserver for a same IP? Well.., my the DNS admin did some fault. After change the host’s IP address, ssh service then run normally. I also report this situation to the DNS admin, one of my campus colleague, and ask him to reconfigure the list.

Anyway, it’s my first writing about some technical stuff.

take a deep breath

when I take a glance
and look back to my past
me, myself, have realized
sometimes goodmemories can kill me…

One flaw in women

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, “Why are you spending so much time on this one, Lord?” And the Lord answered, “Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but notplastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable, able to run on Diet Coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four childrenat one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands.”

The angel was astounded at the requirements. “Only two hands!? No way!And that’s just on the standard model? That’s too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.” But I won’t,” the Lord protested. “I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my ownheart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.”The angel moved closer and touched the woman. “But you have made her so soft, Lord!” “She is soft,” the Lord agreed, “but I have also made her tough.You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.” “Will she be able to think?”, asked the angel. The Lord replied, “Not only willshe be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.”
The angel then noticed something and reaching out, touched the woman’s cheek. “Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.” That’s not a leak,” The Lord corrected, “that’s a tear!” “What’s the tearfor?” the angel asked. The Lord said, “The tear is her way of expressing her joy, Her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,her loneliness, her grief and her pride.” The angel was impressed. “You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.”And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don’t take “No” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They love unconditionally. They cry when theirchildren excel . Their hearts break and they grieve at the loss of a family member, or a friend, or even someone they don’t know well;yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can help heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moralsupport to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. However, If There Is One Flaw In Women itis that they forget their Worth.
Remind a woman you know just how amazing God made them to be!

u’d better watch out, son…

 

One evening in 2014

Dad: Do you want to have a sip?
He: What is it?
Dad: Try it.
He: *takes a sip, then spits it out*
Dad: So, do you like it?
He: No! What is that thing?
Dad: Alcohol. And the name of the drink is beer.
He: Yuck! I’m never going to drink it ever again!
Dad: *smiles*

25 years later

Mum: So, where do you go when you go out with your friends?
He: Usually we go out for drinks.
Mum: What do you drink?
He: Hehe, usually orange juice or mineral water. You know I don’t drink.
Mum: Your dad and I used to buy martini back in those good London days.
He: What??!! He taught me to avoid alcohol by giving me beer when I was five and you guys drink martini??!!
Mum: We don’t anymore

ps: well dear, how d u think? *wink2*

apa sih ini ?

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?